Good Morning friends and friends yet to be. I am a 49 yr old w/w and I've been married nearly 25 yrs. Aug 30th will mark the day my husband JP and I made our vows to one another. In all those years our lives have changed drasticly - up's and down's from rags to riches and back to rags again. All in all some things have remained steady. We've stayed the same people we always were. We love our families and friends and there isn't a thing we wouldn't do for any of them if it is in our power.
Starting out young and fairly poor we worked and worked, saved and tried our best to provide a good life for our daughter and for ourselves. We also helped my late Mother have more than she would have had alone. This caused some problems along the way with others although that was the very last thing we ever wanted to do. JP's family understands and holds no ill will towards us. They are like we are - happy for anyone and everyone who can get one step further ahead in their lives. Never ones to be jelious or mean to anyone. Even those who have hated us and caused us pain we still to this day don't wish anything ill. I always told my daughter something as she was growning up, "There are times I'm not going to like you very much but I will always love you!". You know those times when a child or adult for that matter has you down to that last thread (straw). Those are the times you're just not going to like that person much. But if I love you, I will always love you, no matter what! If you need me I am there. Just let me know what I can do and I will do all that I can to help you get it.
I will always love my family but there are times I really don't like them much. Those days when they have hurt me more than a body can stand... I may not like them, but I will always love them. Time is the key to change opnions but nothing can change love! Not real love. Real love can only grow - it will never die away.
As I mentioned at the start of my blog, I suffer from FMS and many other ailments. FMS is the abrvation for Fibromyalgia Syndrom. I also suffer from depression, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) for which I've had 1 major surgery for, Degenerative Disc Disease (DDD) and have had 3 major surgeries for that, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in both my wrists but mainly in my left. I also have problems with Insomnia which is associated with my FMS. FMS has also caused me to suffer from horrible headaches, memory loss, and the inablity to live a normal life. As if having 3 rods and several screws in my lower back weren't enough to keep me bedridden. All these things certainly make living life hard not only on me but on my family. Many can't or won't understand why I don't travel 16 hrs to visit more often or why I can't remember some things until it's far too late to do anything about it.
I once was the one who remembered every one's birthday, anniversary, and many other details. Now I'm lucky I remember what day of the week it is and some times I have actually forgotten what month it is! It's getting worse too. I can only hope it's temporary and that my mind will learn to function better once again. I've already asked my husband that if things turn into Alzheimer's Disease that I wish to be put away when things get difficult. I don't want to make him or anyone else suffer because of my problems. It's bad enough now that I can't work and can't seem to get a doctor that's willing to go the extra steps to get me on disability. Poor JP works 6 days a week sometimes 10 hours a day too boot. Just to support us. I thank the powers that be for JP having stuck it out in the USMC for 20 years so as to get his retirement. Our health insurance is very affordable. Free if we wish only to be treated on base but with all of my problems we have TriCare Health Insurance. It's a blessing and a half! Most of our medications are free and those that aren't carried on base only cost us $3 a month each.
Examples of how TriCare has helped. One of the past back surgeries, I can't remember them all. But one of them I remember that it was over $123,000! We only paid the daily rate for our cost share - I think it's like $12 a day. You can't beat that!! I was in the hospital for a week and we spent somewhere in the area of $65 for the stay, medications, labs and surgery!!
I am still on so much Morphine that I can't function fully. I can't well don't dare drive an auto. We had just traded in our Jeep Wrangler for a Dodge Avenger so that I could get in and out of the auto to go to doctors and such and then as things lingered the new dodge sat there gathering dust and costing far too much to justify it sitting there. Lucky for all involved our daughter needed a new car. So as it worked out she has taken over the payments from us. We kept the same bank loan in our name, but she makes the payments and when it's paid off we'll sign it over to her. That way since we'd already been paying on it for a couple of years no one really loses out. Well I guess we lose the money we paid in but it saved us from selling it back to the dealer for pennies. We would much rather have Kim make out on the deal than the dealer or banker!
This has taken me ages to write out. Spell check is a God send! Mind you I don't know if it all makes sense but I do know it's spelt correctly! LOL
I hope all of this not only helps others but myself also. If I forget at least I know there is one place I can find bits of my life written out. There will be more to come. I will try each morning to sit here and write about my prior day. Giving links when I talk about something specific to help us all.
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